So while I was on the plane coming back from Japan, Paris called me on my cell. I’m not sure how that’s even possible, but she did. And because she’s my idol, I couldn’t not take the call, ya know?

Anyway, I told Nakasumi that it was just Ron calling from Middleton wondering when I’d be back. But I think he got suspicious after Paris told me about her new shoes and I may have excitedly yelled something like “OMG! You have to let me borrow your shoes next time I see you!” Whatever the reason, Nakasumi called Kim’s webmaster guy and he filled him im.

He came over, and brought the Pilot with him for some reason, and he accused me of being Camille. I denied it and said that Wade he talked to must not be the real Wade. Then he told me that the Kim was over at Wayne’s house when he called and that they both couldn’t have been fake at the same time.

At this point, I did the only thing I could do – kick them both in the crotch and lock myself in the pilot’s compartment.

The conversation after that went something like this:

Mr N: Come out of there at once! It’s over Camille.
Me: Okay, so you figured out I’m not Kim. But if you don’t do what I say everyone on-board dies.
Pilot: You’d really kill yourself?
Me: I just don’t know how to land this thing.
Pilot: Let me land the plane. No one needs to get hurt.
Me: Not until I get-

At this point the autopilot failed and we began to, like, fall out of the sky. I decided it was time to bail. I opened the door and yelled “All yours.” I raced past Mr. N, grabbed a parachute from where I had seen some earlier and jumped out of the plane.

It’s a good thing I was on “Parachuting with the Stars” last year.

Once I hit the water, I assumed the shape of that olympic swimmer that was in Playboy. Amanda Beard is her name, I think. Anyway, turns out we where only a few miles off the coast of California by the time I hit the water.

I’m spending the night with Paris, and I’ll continue on to Middleton tomorrow.

And I am loving these shoes she got.